My Feelings about Everything So Far

Well, I’ve been here 10 days. I still do not have phone or internet. For me, that is the hardest part. I think that if I were able to talk to people and see what my friends are doing, and hell, check the dang weather or play a game online, I’d feel a lot more content! Right now, although I don’t think I will always feel this way to this extent at least, I am pretty lonely. I’ve never been so disconnected from the world. Sure, it was nice to be on my own for a couple days so I could concentrate on getting settled in (though I admit, it would’ve been nice to speak to my boyfriend at least), but now I’m over it. I’ve been writing and sending letters to my friends and family. I don’t have some of my friends’ addresses though which sucks. Today I received a letter and card from my mom which was AWESOME! Man, I don’t know how people survived in the past with only being able to send letters. I can’t believe I was even born during a time where there was no internet...blows my mind! So anyway, long story short, I miss my friends, family, and boyfriend a lot, and I want to talk to them so bad!! I’m still waiting for my residence and insurance card so I can get a phone… I think that once I have those things, I will feel a million times better.

As for the good things, I love my little apartment. Sure, it’s not as comfortable as home, and I’m constantly worrying that I am running my electricity bill through the roof by running my air all the time, but it’s my own. I like having the freedom to decorate how I want (to some extent) and to do what I want. I like buying groceries and cooking…however, the boredom of not having internet has led me to eat all the time. I think that once I have internet and start work, I won’t be eating all the time. Another thing that makes me happy is the fact that I am living in Japan. It doesn’t really feel like I am, but when I say it out loud, it puts a smile on my face. I think it’s just the realization that I am accomplishing one of my life goals.

One of my first attempts at making Japanese food.

There were many strong thunderstorms in the summer. I
particularly like thunderstorms. I almost feel nostalgic and content
when I remember being cut off from humanity with only the
thunderstorms to keep me company. This was the sunset after a
large storm. It was humid, but the storm had cooled things down a bit.
I added this picture about a year after writing this blog post.

I also get excited when I think of the travel possibilities. I hope to see many parts of Japan and maybe South Korea or China by the time I’m done with this. I am very anxious to start work. I feel excited to start interacting with the kids. I am nervous about the work atmosphere, the language barrier, and getting along with my coworkers. I’m also afraid of making a fool of myself which I feel like I am constantly doing. However, if I feel like I am actually teaching the kids something, and they like me, I can handle all the other stuff. I am hoping I can find a place in town to practice the tea ceremony. If I can find something like that, then maybe I won’t feel like such an outsider or circus attraction. Plus, it would just be plain fun! I have been thinking about trying to go to some places where I can practice speaking Japanese with Japanese people. To be honest, the whole idea makes me so nervous and frightens me to death, and I am afraid that maybe I’m not even good enough to participate in something like that, but I know that’s what I need practice with. My goal is to not be a nervous hot mess when I speak Japanese by the time I’m done with JET. For example, yesterday when I was in downtown Osaka, I went to a Coldstone Creamery. The girl who took my order was very nice, and she talked to me while she made me my “Berry Berry Berry Good” ice cream lol. I was nervous, but things were going fine until she asked me something I didn't understand so I did what I always do when I don’t understand: nod my head and smile.  Turns out she asked me if it was my first time getting Coldstone ice cream. Obviously it wasn't. I understood what she had asked after I had already told her it was my first time. Then she asked me where I was from, and I told her America, but then I thought, “Crap, she’s going to think it’s weird that I’m an American who has never been to Coldstone.” So I just lied and said that I was American, but I have never been to a Coldstone so I didn’t look as stupid. She was all excited and thanked me for coming to Coldstone for the first time….sigh….

My first look at downtown Osaka.

Before I end this post about my feelings thus far, I would like to mention two things that I think are weird. First, I sent a postcard to my grandparents in an envelope, and I threw in a 5 yen coin because my grandma said she wanted one. A 5 yen coin is like a nickel. When I took it to the post office to mail it, they weighed it and were all confused and asked me if there was something other than a letter in the envelope. I told them there was a 5 yen coin. Then the clerk started getting frantic telling me that I couldn't send it to which I said in Japanese, “Is that so? Ok, sorry. It was a souvenir.” I began to open the card to take the coin out when he told me to wait a minute. He and the manager spent like 10 minutes making all these phone calls trying to figure out what to do. I kept saying sorry and that it was ok, but it turns out I could send it if I filled out a customs form…and I probably had to pay a little extra. I laughed to myself as I filled out the customs form when it asked, “How much is the value of the item worth?” and I wrote, “5 yen.” Haha! I kept thinking that in America, this would be no big deal. I really need to buy some stamps and learn how to mail things without going through the post office people. I haven’t noticed mailboxes, but then again, I haven’t really looked. Secondly, this happened to me last time I came to Japan too, but it seems like every time I go out somewhere (other than in my town), men always come up to me and try to talk to me. I don’t really understand what they want…it doesn't seem like they have sexual aims, but then again, who knows…I don’t trust strangers regardless. In any case, they are always men, and they always start off by asking, “Where are you from?” I’m usually too nice to just blow people off, so I’ll spend 15 minutes or so conversing with these random people. It’s always awkward because they can only speak a little English. I think most of the time these people just want to practice their English a little bit. In any case, it’s not that that big of a deal. The only thing is that I am getting sick of strangers coming up to me almost every time I go out and having weird/awkward conversations that always end with them asking if we can meet again and me saying no. Last time I was walking downtown, I heard someone (who by the sound of his voice was very nervous to talk to me) say, “sumimasen (Japanese for “Excuse me”).” Then he tried saying “excuse me” in English. I really was not in the mood to do the whole weird talking thing again so I pretended I didn't hear him and kept walking. I didn't see his face. Is it wrong that I feel so bad for doing this? Maybe he actually had a real question…I don’t know. Now I feel like maybe I gave him a bad impression of foreigners. Hopefully he just thinks I was French or something.

* This was the last post I had pre-written before getting internet. So much has happened recently (making friends, starting work, etc.), and I have a lot more to say so I will write some actual new blogs when I can. Working full time makes it hard because believe it or not, it takes forever to write these things! So, stay tuned !