Being Foreign in Japan

This post is kind of breaks away from my usual posts about events and things I’ve done recently. It’s a topic that has been on my mind a lot the past few days. Maybe it’s because I’ve had a few experiences lately that made me think about it, or maybe it’s because we are discussing discrimination and racism in our 3^rd year English classes. In any case, I just want to write a little bit about what I think it feels like to be a foreigner in Japan. This is completely from my perspective. I’m sure everyone has their own experiences due to their race, gender, religion, and where they live and go in Japan.

I tend to get a lot of attention being a white, light-haired, blue-eyed American. Good and bad. At first, the good attention was welcomed, but after living here for over a year, even the good attention sometimes gets old. So how about I start with the bad and end with the good because that’s better, right?

I would have to say that the main and most frustrating discrimination I experience is sexual harassment from men. I am well aware that in some ways, I make myself more susceptible to it because I choose to spend my free time going to bars and clubs, but honestly, those aren’t the only places I experience it, and it’s not ok either way. Let me work my way up from the least surprising places to the most surprising places.

First, almost every time I go to a club, I get approached by several men. Sometimes they buy me drinks or want to talk, and that’s ok. Some want to dance with me possibly with hopes of get further. Honestly, that’s ok too. That’s a main reason many people go to a club, and it’s the same in America. I like dancing with people, and I know I’m not going home with them, so it’s ok with me if they want to dance together and flirt with me. Plus, if they are not pigs, then perhaps I’d be interested in meeting them again, becoming friends or even possibly more than that eventually. Dancing is a good way to meet people, and I really love dancing! The thing that is NOT ok at dance clubs is when guys assume that just because I agreed to dance with them, that means they are free to grab my butt, breasts, and try to make out with me. What’s even more NOT OK, is when I’m not even dancing with them or interacting with them in any way, and they grab me out of nowhere…which has been happening to me A LOT lately. Now you may be wondering why I think this has to do with discrimination. Here is my reason besides the fact that it has NEVER happened to me in America. I have been told by my Japanese friends that there is a stereotype of foreign women being “easy.” Perhaps it’s due to our more outward personalities. They think that because we are foreign, we will let them do anything. Whereas, they know that Japanese girls won’t let them pull that sh*t. Sure, Japanese men still try to touch Japanese women in clubs, but I think they are more hesitant, and I’ve never seen anyone try to touch a Japanese girl’s breast. At first, I was kind of docile in these situations. I would just laugh it off and tell them to stop. However, the more it keeps happening, the more fed up I get, and the more I firmly make it shown that it is not ok and that just because I’m foreign doesn’t mean you can put your hands all over me. For example, the other day I was standing off to the side of the dance floor when a group of like 6 guys (who were really drunk and celebrating one of their birthdays, I think) pulled me to the center to dance with them. They looked like a bunch of stupid wild monkeys out of control, so I didn’t want to dance with them, but I played their game for a few seconds before returning back to the side. Then, they pulled me to the center again and one guy tapped my boob. I immediately kicked him in his white pants and walk away. I gave him the death stare. They left me alone after that. This is just one example of many touching experience s at dance clubs.

Next, at bars and izakaya, I have been approached and grabbed and whatnot. I mentioned in my “Yuki’s Birthday” post about the guys who waited for me outside the restroom in an izakaya to touch my butt, put their arms around me, and try to kiss me. Also, in my “Halloween Party Round 2” post, I told you about the guy who was hitting on me at Balabushka and pointed at his crotch and said, “Welcome to the jungle!.” That was actually kind of funny though. He was tightly holding my hand to where I couldn’t pull it away when we were talking, and that wasn’t funny though. Also, at the HUB, I’ve had a man whisper in my ear as he walked by that I looked erotic…eww. Almost every time I go to a bar, some guy will talk to me, friend me on facebook, and then ask me if I want to hang out alone with them sometime. I don’t mind these things as much as being physically touched, but it gets old because I think that they all try to go after me because they think they’ll get somewhere with me because I’m foreign.

A more surprising place is literally on the street. It’s usually at night though. Last weekend, I was walking alone at night which is generally ok in Japan. I live in a big city, so there are people all around at all times. I was crossing over a crosswalk and a group of young guys were walking towards me. They seemed a little drunk and rowdy, so I tried not to make eye contact. I think I looked at one of the guys’ faces for like a split second. That’s when he decided bear hug me in the middle of Midosuji and make loud noises while doing so. I couldn’t even move he was hugging me so hard. When he stopped, one of his friends apologized, and they kept walking. I was just kind of shocked and kept walking. Also, this isn’t sexual, but I’ve had a guy stop and literally get like one inch away from my face, yell really loud, and then keep walking. What?

Last, I’ve been harassed on trains. Maybe it’s not that surprising since you kind of hear about perverts on trains in Japan all the time, but for me, I still find it shocking because it’s bright on the train, people are not drunk or in a party scene, and it’s in front of children, elderly, and everyday common people. I’ve had my butt touched a few times on the train, I’ve had countless men “sleep” on my shoulder (never any women), and I have been told to kiss and hug my friend Shawn on the train by an older man who probably actually was drunk. He kept saying I was cute and asking me where I lived, so Shawn pretended to be my boyfriend. The guy didn’t believe us, so he was like, “Oh, if that’s the case, why don’t you hug and kiss in front of me now.” We of course didn’t… Ugh. As for the sleeping on shoulders thing, that’s pretty common and acceptable in Japan, but it just doesn’t seem like a coincidence that several middle-aged men and no women have fallen asleep on my shoulder. There was one time I sat down next to a man and he immediately after like two seconds put his head on me. Usually it’s a longer process.

On to a new type of bad discrimination…Once when I was leaving my apartment in the morning for work, there was an older woman walking her dog. I said good morning to her in Japanese with a smile on my face. She looked me in the eyes, frowned, didn’t say a word, and kept walking. Nice. Luckily that was a one time thing.

Next, there is the constant starring and glances every time I step outside. I’ve almost gotten used to that.

One thing that is starting to get old is when a group of younger kids, like high school age, see me just walking around or riding my bike, and they say really loudly in Japanese, “Look! Wow! A foreigner!” They tend to use the less polite/slang version of the word foreigner, too. The reason this agitates me is because first, they probably assume that I don’t know Japanese and can’t understand them….even though I think anyone would understand regardless of whether or not they knew Japanese. Next, yes, I know they are excited or shocked to see me because Japan is such a homogeneous country, but I’ve been living here going on two years. I feel like I am adjusted to life here. It’s not new anymore. So when kids make a big deal out of me, it makes me feel like no matter how well adjusted I become to this country, I’m always going to be a strange outsider. I wish Japanese people would think more about this before they make comments. “Perhaps this foreigner lives here. Perhaps this foreigner can speak Japanese. Perhaps they were even born here!” They should keep these things in mind before blurting stuff out aloud.

This brings me to the second half, the “good” discrimination. I say “good” because the people are just trying to be nice even if it does make you feel alienated. This relates to the last paragraph. People often compliment me and say, “Wow! Your Japanese is very good!” Even if the only thing I say is “good morning” or “thank you.”  They also say things like “Wow! You can use chopsticks?” “Wow! You know about Japanese culture?” “Wow! You can eat raw fish?!” I know these people are just trying to be nice. At first I even welcomed the compliments, but as I was saying before, I’m adjusted to living here. When I get these compliments, it’s just a reminder that I don’t belong. One of the things that bothered me the most was when I was with my old American tea ceremony teacher. She has lived in Japan for 20 years straight, and now she spends half her time here and the other half in America. She is completely fluent in Japanese. She sounds like a native. Even the way she looks and acts is very in tune with Japanese etiquette. We were in a store, and she was buying some spices or something. She asked the store owner some questions about the flavor of the spice in detail and how to use it and whatnot to which the owner replied, “Wow! Your Japanese is very good!” I felt so annoyed because my teacher is an older woman, completely fluent in Japanese, and is basically like a Japanese person in a foreigner’s body. She’s lived here many many years. To think that even at her age, people are still so surprised and treat her like an alien made me realize that it’s a never ending battle. No one bothers to think about the person’s experience.

The last “good” discrimination has to do with comments about my appearance. I have taught the same students for almost two years now, and there is not a day that goes by where at least one student doesn’t look at me and scream, “KAWAIIIIIIIIIIII!!!” It means “cute.” I loved it at first. I still don’t mind so much, but you’d think they’d get over it and become used to me after a couple months. NOPE. They ask me all sorts of questions like, “Is that your really hair color? Is that you really eye color?” Why are your eye lashes so long?” etc. etc. Not only do I get this from students, but people outside of work too. I often get, “Wow! You are so pale and beautiful!” I’ve had complete strangers come up to me just to get a close look at my eye color. Sure, it’s nice to an extent. I feel quite confident here, but also, it does get old thanking people over and over again and not really knowing what to say in response. Also, again, it’s a reminder that you are different. On the contrary, sometimes you get negative comments that Japanese people think it’s ok to say because you are foreign. For example, “Oh, you can’t sit seiza (seiza is a Japanese style of sitting where you fold your legs underneath your body which cuts off circulation and becomes painful) because you a bigger and heavier than Japanese people,” or “Oh, your fingernails are long. Did you forget to clip them?” I have to explain that long fingernails are considered pretty in America. I also have been told by my women friends, “Wow, your breasts and butt are much bigger than Japanese ones.” It’s just really awkward! You wouldn’t say that to a Japanese woman, so why are you saying that to me? I’ve also been told that I don’t have wide shoulders which is strange for a foreigner. My favorite is when my students will say to me, “Americans are very tall!” when I’m standing next to them, and I’m shorter than most of my students who are like 13 years old.

So, this is what has been on my mind lately. I’m not depressed or anything, but I thought it was worth sharing. Perhaps some of my friends living here feel the same way? I’d be interest to know everyone’s experiences with discrimination in Japan. Also, let me remind you, for every person that says or does something to make you feel different, there are people who treat you normally. I just hope that one day people can see each other as simply human and nothing more. I’d like to think that I am helping Japanese people become more accustomed to foreigners and breaking down stereotypes one person at a time.