Dating Culture?

This post sort of has two purposes. First, I want to share my thoughts and feelings about dating in Japan. Second, I want to tell you about my possible TV debut. Since the TV thing is easier to explain, I’ll start with that first.

My friend Kohei, the one that works at Balabushka, informed my friends and I that a TV show called 「今ちゃんの実は．．．」would be coming to the bar to do interviews with foreign girls living in Japan. He asked if we could show up to be interviewed. I was kind of nervous because I didn’t know if I’d have to speak in Japanese or not, and I didn’t know what the interview would be about. Plus, I’ve never been on TV. However, Kohei seemed like he was worried about people showing up, so I agreed to go.

When I got there, I hung out with my friends until the interviewer showed up. He asked me to come into the back room. He told me that I didn’t have to speak in Japanese and that the interview would be about my thoughts on Japanese men hitting on foreign women. The woman holding the camera was really close to my face, and the man doing the interview was also shining a bright light right at my face. I was kind of nervous and embarrassed. It was hard to concentrate and answer his questions thoughtfully, but I did my best!

He asked my questions like, “What do you think when the first question a Japanese guy asks you is ‘Where are you from?’” and “How is a more natural way to start a conversation?” He also interviewed three of my friends. My friend Rachel who speaks Japanese really well did the interview in Japanese!! I heard from my friend Joe that he had also seen the people doing interviews at other bars too. So what I’m getting at is that if I even do appear on the show, I will probably only be on it for a few seconds. We shall see! It’s kind of exciting nonetheless. The episode airs on channel 6 on February 5^th (as in tomorrow!) at 11:17 at night to 12:17 lol.

Two handsome men with the interviewees. 

So the next part of this post has to do with my thoughts (mainly my frustrations) and experiences with dating (well attempting to date) Japanese men. When I say “dating” I mean just that. I don’t mean boyfriend and girlfriend; I just mean texting and going places together.

Ever since my previous boyfriend and I broke up, I have discovered this new world of dating. I have always jumped from one boyfriend to the next, and right now is the longest I’ve been single since I was like 15 years old! I have never experienced dating culture until now. Let me just say, I imagine it’s confusing and complicated enough to date people within your own culture who speak the same language as you, but dating Japanese guys has been so confusing for me! At the same time, it’s been kind of fun too. If nothing else, at least I get some good Japanese practice out of it.

The dating culture here seems to have a whole set of different rules that I don’t quite understand. For example, I don’t really understand the “confession thing.” I also feel like there are all these set phrases people who are dating use in certain situations that seem fake, but then again Japanese people have aisatsu (set phrases/greetings) for everything haha! I just can’t see Japanese guys’ true feelings because it seems like they are just saying what they are “supposed to say.” Also, Japanese people in general are known to be indirect. Of course the language barrier can be difficult sometimes too.

Here are my two main thoughts. First, it is relatively easy for me to attract men since I’m a “stereotypical” foreigner to the Japanese; you know…blue eyes, white skin, light hair…which are desired traits. However, my second thought is that none of these men actually want a relationship with a foreigner, they just want to “you-know-what,” or they just want to know what it’s like to be with a foreigner. Now I know this isn’t completely true. I have a few friends who are in serious relationships with Japanese men, but it just seems kind of rare. On the other hand, there are LOADS of Japanese girls with foreign guys. I often wonder why this is, and all around I get that same answer that Japanese men are too shy, especially with foreign girls. Sigh… I would really like some input on this! Do you really think it’s true that Japanese guys generally are interested in dating foreign girls but are just too shy? If that’s the case, then why have all my attempts failed? I tend to initiate dates because I assume they are too shy to ask me themselves. Maybe my stronger personality scares them off haha!

There have been a few guys that I’ve been on dates with who’ve seemed different (as in they seem interested in more than just doing the dirty), but it has fallen through each time for different reasons. My friend Shawn provided me with some wisdom that might be true. He said something along the lines of, “It’s hard for people to settle in the city. There’re too many people to choose from.” I feel like this may be true. I wonder how it would really be if I did get a boyfriend. Maybe it would be hard for me to settle too.

Anyway, I am enjoying just meeting new people and feeling the excitement of possibilities. I miss some of the comforts of having an actual boyfriend, but this whole dating life thing is still very new and exciting to me, and maybe it’s better to keep experiencing it a bit longer before jumping in to anything. It’s not like I need a boyfriend right now or anything like that. I’m not in some big hurry. I’ll admit that living in Japan has turned me on (no pun intended) to the idea of dating a Japanese guy, but it’s not like it’s some goal or criteria I have. I just don’t want to be saddened by the possible reality that Japanese guys just aren’t into me. Maybe I just need to find the right person…or maybe I don’t need to find anyone. Who knows where I’ll be in a few years.

So maybe this post is a little personal. I don’t usually want to share these thoughts with everyone, but I am genuinely interested in hearing peoples’ thoughts and advice on this matter. Also, I have probably said this before, but the purpose of this blog is not only to give people insight on what living in Japan is really like, but for my own memories. This blog is kind of like a public journal. I want to be able to come back and read these posts later and remember myself at this time in my life. I kind of wish I would’ve kept a journal my whole life. I think you can learn a lot about yourself through your own writing. It’ll be interesting to see if/how I change in the future.

*I'm writing this a month or so later...so I ended up appearing on the show! Here is a link to the video I took of the TV haha!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3iH_sp-AzM