Himeji Castle during Silver Week

Himeji Castle, a place in my dreams…literally. One random night before moving to Japan, I dreamt about going to Himeji Castle, arguably the most famous castle in Japan. In my dream, it was large, pristine, and gave me a feeling of excitement. The dream was so vivid, and when I woke up, I made it a clear goal to myself to visit there. However, there was one big problem. When I moved to Japan, Himeji Castle was about two years into a five year reconstruction project. You couldn’t see the castle. I was pretty heartbroken. My plan was to stay in Japan two years and then go to grad school, but plans change, and as it turns out, three years later, I’m still here!

So when I heard the construction was finished, I knew I had to go! I went with my boyfriend during Silver Week, a holiday period in Japan. Ever since the construction finished, people from all over have been flocking to it, and anyone who went to see it told me that it was very crowded. Therefore, I decided to go during Silver Week because I knew it would be busy no matter what time I went. I did not anticipate just how busy it would be though. Holidays in Japan like Golden Week, Silver Week, Obon, and the New Year are terrible times to travel because it’s like a madhouse.

Shinya and I got up and left our town around 11 am. It only takes about an hour and a half to get there from where I live. The train surprisingly costs a lot, though. We ate a small snack while riding the train and arrived around 12:30. It’s a straight shot from the station to the castle. It’s a very touristy area, so the streets are paved very nicely, and everything looks clean and new. There isn’t actually much to do in the area except eat and see the castle, but it’s a pretty city.

When we got the castle grounds, there were a ton of people taking pictures. Shinya and I joined in and took a few ourselves. My first impression of the castle was “Wow!!! It’s really white!!” Like seriously, it was so white! I’m used to seeing Osaka Castle with its cream-ish color and green roofs, but Himeji Castle looked totally different. It was smaller than in my dream but beautiful nonetheless.

Himeji Castle!

We decided we’d try to go the inner grounds and see the castle up close and possibly go inside, but there was a really long line, and it was really hot. We asked how long the wait was to get it, and it was an hour just to the inner grounds gate. Once you get in, it would take another hour and a half to walk through the inner grounds because there were so many people. Shinya and I are alike in that we have no desire to wait outside in the heat. We decided to walk a big circle around the castle instead which was really pleasant and fun. We could see the castle from a few angles and get pretty close while enjoying the surrounding gardens and the moat filled with koi fish. We took several sitting breaks to admire the fish and sit in the shade. This was my favorite part of the day.

Japanese garden.

Around 1:30 or 2:00, we decided to go eat since we had hardly eaten anything yet. We decided to go to a famous tamago-kaki-gohan place my friend recommended. Tamago-kaki-gohan is raw egg mixed with rice, soy sauce, and sometimes other toppings). However, since the area was so packed with tourists, there was a 6 page waitlist. We decided to write down our name and see how quick people could get in. The place was really small, though, and didn’t have many seats, and after about a half hour of waiting, we gave up.

This is where the story gets a little ridiculous. We walked around a little until we found an izakaya (Japanese pub) that looked good. When we tried to go in, they said that lunch was over and they don’t open up again until dinner. We decided to go sit at a coffee shop and actually research some places to eat and try calling. Himeji’s famous food is anago which is a type of eel. We decided it would be nice to go to a place that served it. Shinya made a call to a place nearby that specialized in anago. To our dismay, they also weren’t open until 5pm. We had about 2 hours to kill, so we hung out in an arcade for a bit and played air hockey and pachinko. We were hungry, but since we came all this way, we figured it would be worth it to eat some nice food in Himeji.

We got to the anago place right at 5 when it opened, and some people were already lined up outside. We got in line, and a staff member came out and said they were sold out of anago! Seriously like wtf?! You are an anago shop!! Actually, it wasn’t the first place to be out of anago. I saw several places on the way that had signs saying they were sold out of anago. Disheartened, hungry, and exhausted, we gave up on anago and tried to go to a sushi bar instead that we had found online. 

When we arrived, there was a huge line out the door. Shinya looked inside and said they place was tiny and it would take a while to get it. By this point, we were in such disbelief by our luck and the amount of people due to Silver Week, we agreed that we had had enough of Himeji, and we would just go back to Osaka and eat because there would be fewer tourists there. The hour and a half trip home on an empty stomach seemed daunting, but I really don’t think we would’ve gotten in anywhere in Himeji except for crappy family restaurants or chain izakaya.

We took the train back to Osaka and decided to go to a nice nabe place that we both enjoy. Despite not getting to eat in Himeji, I was really excited to go to this place because it had been a while, and I was craving it. When we got there, it was about 8:30 at night. We were dying from hunger only to be told that it was an hour wait….ughhhhhhh…..this is what Silver Week in Japan is like. We had the restaurant call another one of their nearby branches to see if we could get in, and it was also an hour long wait! Frustration is probably the best word to describe how I felt. It was the 7^th place we tried to get in at!!

8^th time’s a charm? We decided that we would simply just go to the next place we see that we could get into right away. It happened to be a cheap little izakaya down the street past where a drunken businessman was puking outside. 9:00 pm is a little early dont’cha think? By that point, anything was ok with me. We were seated in a small Japanese style room on the 2^nd floor that only had 4 tables. I kind of liked the homely atmosphere. Since it was Japanese style, we sat on cushions on the ground.

Right away we ordered drinks and just started naming things off the menu that looked good because we were so hungry. The drinks came out right away, and let me tell you, after the tiring trip and subsequent stress, those were some goooood drinks haha. The food started coming out little by little. Despite this izakaya being so cheap, this food was legit! Very delicious with a homemade taste! We had dashimaki-tamago, cheese balls, hokke, fried oysters, edamame, and some other stuff I don’t really remember lol. I remember thinking at the end of it with a full belly that things didn’t turn out so bad. I was kind of happy we found this little place whose name I don’t remember.

Since it was on the way home, we stopped in to one of my favorite bars I hadn’t been to in a while for one drink. A nice ending to the day. Looking back on it now it wasn’t a bad day, and I’m really glad I got to see Himeji Castle!

Uji, Kyoto

This past summer vacation, money was pretty tight, so I couldn’t do much traveling. However, I did enjoy many fun events like BBQ’s, fireworks, dates, and concerts. There was one place, though, that I had wanted to visit for a while: Uji, Kyoto.

My main reason for wanting to visit there is my love for Japanese powdered green tea (matcha in Japanese). Matcha is famous in Uji. Also, Uji, is a rural, beautiful, and historical place in Kyoto. To be honest, it really isn’t that far from where I live, only about an hour and a half by train. I had just never had a good time to go, so I made it a point to go during the summer. Alone.

In fact, I wanted to go alone. Of course traveling with people is fun, but when I travel alone in Japan, it brings me back to my first time I came here. I came for three weeks one summer on my own which was perhaps the most eye opening and rewarding experience of my life. By traveling alone every now and then, I feel my love and wonder for Japan come back since living here has made me jaded.

When I got there, I was immediately taken aback by the rural atmosphere. The buildings were low which made the sky feel so vast and open. You are immediately greeted by Uji River as well as the famous Uji Bridge.

Uji River and Bridge.

I decided to get lunch first. I researched what places were popular to eat at before going. I decided on a famous tea shop called Itokyuemon (伊藤久右衛門) that also had a café that was famous for serving matcha soba noodles. I got a lunch set that included the noodles, rice, Japanese pickles, and a small matcha jelly dessert. The noodles didn’t have that strong of a matcha flavor, actually, so I think it would be easy to eat for anyone. The noodles were just very green. It was a pleasant lunch.

Itokyuemon.

Matcha soba set.

After eating, I went to “The Tale of Genji” museum. “The Tale of Genji” is a very famous Japanese historical piece of literature. I actually had to read it as part of my studies in college since I was a Japanese major. The museum itself was quite small but well kept. I think it would only appeal to those who have read the story, though.

Statue of Murasaki Shikibu, the author of The Tale of Genji.

After spending about an hour in the museum, I walked the path to Byodo-in, a World Heritage site and the temple on the back of the 10-yen coin. The streets leading up to the temple were gorgeous and lined with fancy tea shops and stylish cafes specializing in matcha flavored items. I was looking forward to seeing this temple the most because it looked so beautiful on the internet. It definitely was! It had been a while since I went to see a temple, so I really enjoyed it. It reminded me of Ginkakuji because of how it floated on the water. Some of the highlights are of course the Buddha inside which you must pay extra to see and the phoenix statues on the top of the temple.

Fancy tea shop.

Byodo-in.

On my way back to the station, I treated myself to one more matcha item which happened to be ice cream. I kid you not, this was by far the best matcha ice cream I’ve ever had! It had a roughness to it because of the powdered matcha in it, and the taste was very strong; just how I like my matcha.

I also noticed at the different shops and in the vending machines, Uji tea was being sold in commercial bottles which peaked my curiosity, so I bought it. Uji tea is sencha (a type of green tea) that is made in Uji. It has a very light and delicious flavor. I kind of wish I bought a couple bottles to take home. In any case, I made sure to buy a small souvenir for my boyfriend’s family. I bought matcha cappuccino mix which was advertised as being one of the most popular souvenirs. Apparently it was good according to his mother lol.

The best matcha ice cream.

Uji tea.

Anyway, I definitely recommend Uji to those interested in tea or in Japanese history. I went in the summer, but I’m planning to go back this fall as a group day trip because it’s supposed to be breathtaking with the fall foliage. Perhaps I will write a short post in the future showing you some pictures. Thanks for reading!

Domino’s Pizza

I remember when the Lawson convenience store near my house closed down, and I was pissed. I thought to myself, “Damn…I’m going to have to walk 7 minutes instead of 5 minutes to get my chicken nuggets (For reals though…Lawson’s karaage-kun is the shiznit). …and then something wonderful happened. A Domino’s Pizza opened in its place. A blessing and a curse…mostly a blessing though.

It’s been a few months since it has opened, and my addiction has not let up. I’ve been ordering it about once every two weeks (ok…sometimes once a week). Yes, it’s freaking amazing! …but not for my weight.

If you read my goals in Japan post, you might remember that I got really excited about finally having the courage to call in pizza deliveries regularly. So, you might be wondering what the big deal is. Let me explain. Before Domino’s opened, there were three pizza places that delivered to where I live. One is walking distance and is the crappiest pizza I’ve ever had. Never again. One tastes alright, but made me feel sick after (maybe it was a fluke, and I should try it again). The last is actually pretty tasty, for Japanese pizza at least. So for a while, I’d ordered pizza for delivery like once a month from the last place which definitely improved my quality of life here in Japan haha! There were two problems, however. One, it was dang expensive. It cost at least 2,000 yen each time which is like $20 for a medium-ish pizza, probably a small in America. Also, even though I had the courage to call and place an order, I still didn’t enjoy doing it and was sometimes hesitant.

So why is having a Domino’s 5 minutes away from my house awesome? First and foremost, I can do pickup instead of delivery. Wait, isn’t it more of a pain to go pick it up? Well yes I suppose, but when I go by bike it takes like two minutes which doesn’t even faze me. The main perk, though, is that when you opt for pickup instead of delivery, you get amazing discount options! One great one is that you can get a medium single pizza for 1,000 yen, and another is that you can buy one pizza and get a second one for free!!

Another reason Domino’s rocks is that the ordering can be done simply online…in ENGLISH! No hassle, no hesitation, no phone calls. The website lets you design your pizza exactly how you want it. You can add or removing toppings easily without confusing the staff.

Last, although the flavor isn’t exactly the same as American Domino’s, the flavor overall is best out of the places I have access to and has the most American style options. OHMAIGOD JALAPEÑOS!

Veggie pizza. Yes, that's eggplant!

Stuffed crust!

Thin crust, half and half.

Grilled chicken, zucchini, and bleu cheese...mmmm!

Having a Domino’s nearby has really made living in Japan a little more comfortable for me because I can enjoy myself in a way that I did in America. I’ve had pizza parties with my American friends, my Japanese friends, and my boyfriend. Actually my boyfriend comes over a lot, and we do the buy one get one free deal. We eat pizza, watch anime, and drink at my home. It makes for a really fun and cheap date. Since money has been tight for the both of us lately, it’s been a really good way to still have a “date” without breaking the bank.

So ya, I hope for my health’s sake I can relax a little with all the pizza and cut it down to like once a month instead of two or three times, but overall, I am so happy! Yay Domino’s!! …now I’m just waiting for Pizza Hut lol.

Summer Sonic 2015

This was my third year in a row going to Summer Sonic. My first year I went in Tokyo, my second year was in Osaka, and this year was in Osaka again. The past two years were fun but hot and exhausting. Last year I got sun burnt the worst I’ve ever been in my life. The blisters lasted for about a month. This year was a whole different experience and by far the best!

Summer Sonic starts at 10 or 11 in the morning and goes to about 9 or 10 at night. As the name suggests, its right smack dab in the middle of the hot, humid hell of Japanese summer. Waiting in lines to get in can be exhausting in itself.

This year I approached the concert a little differently. Like I said, Summer Sonic always ends at about 9 or 10, but there’s an all night portion that goes until morning as well. In Osaka, it’s free for anyone who bought a day ticket and is called Midnight Sonic. In Tokyo, you have to buy a separate ticket for the midnight portion (a lot more artists perform in Tokyo), and it’s called Sonic Mania.

The midnight shows are usually all DJ’s and EMD music. My first and second year, I didn’t really know how the midnight shows worked, and since I went to the day part all day, there was no way I could’ve survived until morning with my dehydration, exhaustion, and sunburn. This year, however, there weren’t too many people I was excited to see during the day, so I made it a point to go late and enjoy Midnight Sonic because a few of my favorite DJs who I had never seen before were performing.

Zedd was one DJ I was interested in seeing. He was actually a headliner for the day portion. I made sure to get there for his set. His was on a huge stage outdoors. The lights and effects were amazing. It was one of the best laser shows I’ve seen. Plus there was fire and even fireworks! Unlike the previous years, since my night was basically gona be like a dance party atmosphere, I started downing my Red Bull vodkas as soon as I got there. I was alone for Zedd’s performance, but I had a blast! His show got over around 10 pm, and the DJ’s I wanted to see for the midnight set didn’t start until around 1 or 2 am. So, I killed some time while I waited for my friend who was going to join me for the midnight sets by getting dinner at the food stands set up all over, having a few drinks, and chatting with this random girl I met from England. She actually ended up sticking with me the rest of the night.

Red Bull vodka time~

Zedd.

Awesome stage!

Lasers!!

Zedd.

Midnight Sonic was actually indoors which really made it feel like a club. One complaint I have, though, is that there were no alcohol stands set up like a normal EDM concert. So before the DJ’s I wanted to see went on, I met my friend at the nearby convenience store in order to shotgun a few drinks and stock up for the show. Since I had a backpack, I got stuck carrying everything…so much wine and whiskey in my backpack. D:

Awww yeah!

So as you might have guessed, this is when things started getting fun and interesting. A DJ I had never heard before, but my friend likes, called Destructo went on. I was just warming up. He was actually pretty cool because he mixed like electronic music and hip-hop together. Then, one of the DJ’s I was really looking forward to whose name is Porter Robinson went on. His music is so beautiful and melodic. He includes Japanese in his songs and is a Japanese culture enthusiast, so you could feel his excitement over playing in Japan. I was completely moved by his music. At all the right moments smoke and confetti exploded out over the crowd. The imagery was beautiful, and so was his music.

Destructo.

Porter Robinson.

Porter Robinson.

Porter Robinson.

By this point, my friend and I were on another level drunk. Then something quite funny happened while waiting for the last DJ to go on. I get a facetime call from my parents! Can’t say I remember what we talked about exactly, but I know my friend and I talked to them for about 10 minutes along with the almost naked, drunk Japanese dude next to us. I remember my friend just yelling to my parents saying how awesome I am haha! I was flattered. For whatever reason, my mom had these huge joke-like glasses that she put on…it made my friend and I really excited. We just kept yelling, “You are so cool!! Where did you get those?!” …Fun times.

The drunk guy that talked with my parents haha!

So the last DJ to go on is one of my favorites, Dillon Francis. I was looking forward to him the most. I follow him on all sorts of social media, and he has a great sense of humor and is really silly, so I expected him to be like that in person, but when he came out and started playing, he was in a serious zone, mixing his heart out like no DJ I’ve seen before. Although he is a funny guy, I could see how seriously he takes his music and shows. I was impressed. His set was killer and just so freaking awesome! This is when the hardcore dancing happened. To be honest, the place was actually pretty empty. Most people didn’t stick around for Midnight Sonic. We got to the front row with no trouble. My friend and I decided it would be funny to flirt and mess around with the bouncers. That was pretty funny because the bouncers actually enjoyed it.  I got some decent videos, but in Japan they are pretty strict about you filming and taking pictures, so I got scolded like twice. Whatever.

Dillon Francis.

Rockin' out!!

I left the concert feeling extremely satisfied and happy. I don’t think I got home until like 9 in the morning…needless to say, I was dead like a zombie, but man was it awesome! I think this is how I will enjoy Summer Sonic from now on. 

PL Hanabi

Sorry, my posts are quite behind, but better late than never!

Summer in Japan means festivals, yukata, shaved ice, and fireworks. For the past three years, I have been able to enjoy Japan’s amazing fireworks displays. This year, I went to PL Hanabi in Tondabayashi for the first time. It’s one of the most famous displays in Osaka. “PL” stands for “perfect liberty” …I have no idea why lol.

I went to see the fireworks with my boyfriend, as that’s often what couples do. However, it’s perfectly normal to go see fireworks with your friends or family, as well.

As expected, the amount of people was crazy. The trains were packed. I suggest using a train card like ICOCA, SUICA, or PASMO with money preloaded on it, because once you get to the main hubs to transfer to go to Tondabayashi, you can expect to wait in line for up to an hour just to buy a train ticket! Expect to be smashed together in the train. Once you get there, you must follow a sea of people to the viewing area; crowded and slow moving. The past two years I have gone to the show in Kobe where they shoot off the fireworks over the sea. The walk from the station to the viewing areas is a lot less crowed and less difficult because there are so many vantage points (although finding a good place to sit is difficult unless you go several hours ahead and steak out a spot). In Tondabayashi, there is only one main viewing place. My boyfriend and I got so tired from the walk, we didn’t make it all the way to the viewing area and decided to watch from a side road. It wasn‘t the perfect view, but it was still decent.

The firework show itself was gorgeous and not disappointing. This one did however seem to be a bit shorter than the Kobe one. The grand finale was breathtaking. You couldn’t help but make “oooo’s and ahhhh’s” when the fireworks exploded with dazzling shapes, colors, and sizes. One thing that was nice about the PL Hanabi was that the streets were lined with food stands specially placed for the event. You could get all sorts of treats as long as you didn’t mind waiting in some lines.

After the fireworks are over, you must start the long process of going home. It took like an hour of walking in slow moving crowds guided by police officers to get back to the station. It was very hot and sweaty. Bring lots of water! Was it worth it though? I’d say yes.

On the way home, we stopped at our favorite standing sushi bar for dinner. Delicious! Once we got back home by the last train, we chilled in the park and lit off our own little fireworks which was so much fun! We laughed because we bought the ones that expand and look like poop when you light them. Also we laughed when we lit off these little spinning ones that make noise and shoot into the air like helicopters because it pissed off a cicada in a nearby tree. Every time we little one, the cicada started screaming haha!

Maguro Ittetsu in Kyobashi,

Sparklers in the park.

Firework shows are an exciting, cheap, and romantic date and simply just fun if you’re with your friends. Definitely check out one of the many shows if you’re visiting Japan in the summer.

Bar Fight… again.

I swear I have THE WORST luck in Japan. Many Japanese people say to me, “Japan is sooo safe! You don’t have to worry about anything here. America is sooo dangerous. I don’t ever want to get there because I’ll die. There are guns, racism, and terrorism in America, but not in Japan. All white people hate black people in America.” I just want to backhand the ignorance out of the Japanese people who say this to me. I’m not saying America isn’t dangerous, but in my 22 years of living in America, I have never witnessed a shooting, I’ve never seen a serious fight, I’ve never been robbed or assaulted or witnessed any terrorism. Everything bad I’ve seen has been on the news. Perhaps the worst I’ve ever dealt with was being threatened by a drunk guy on a bus. In Japan, I deal with mild racism and discrimination every single day. I’ve been told to home to my own country and that I’m not wanted here. I’ve been robbed twice, sexually harassed countless times (touched in every place I don’t want to be touched) in different settings, been stalked, and have been caught up in three different bar fights.

A couple months ago, I was out with my boyfriend going around to different bars. Mind you I was not drunk in the slightest. We decide to stop into a trendy bar called Posh in Tamatsukuri that my bf has been to a couple times before. We walked in, sat down, and greeted the bartender. There were eight other people sitting in the bar: four people at a table, two women at one side of the counter, and two men sitting next to Shinya and I at the other side of the counter. It took us about 15 seconds to realize that one of the guys next to us was drunk on a different level and belligerent. He was talking in a voice so loud, basically screaming, that everyone was staring at him like wtf. Before the bartender could ask    for our drink order, the guy got so loud that the bartender apologized to us and told the guy that he needs to lower his voice, which made the guy angry. His friend next to him was like, “Let’s get out of here,” but the guy refused and started yelling over to the two girls. I don’t know what he was saying, but the girls basically just like cussed him out saying that he’s being and ass and needs to leave. He got up in a rage, walked over to the girls, and started yelling in their faces. At this point, I’m like oh shit…it’s about to happen…I looked at Shinya and told him this is bad and we need to get out because there’s gona be a fight. This drunk guy is huge and buff and looks like a body builder, by the way. I was afraid that he would hurt me or Shinya. I felt scared for my safety because this guy was a loose cannon and unpredictable.

When the guy approached the girls, the bartender came around, and told the guy he needs to leave the bar immediately. The girls might have actually known the guy…I couldn’t really tell, but it seemed like maybe they might have know each other from somewhere. In a rage, he started breaking stuff and throwing things around. The bartender and the guy’s friend tried to get him to go outside, and at this point, he was blocking the exit and standing close to Shinya and I. Of course you can’t help but watch, but Shinya told me not to look because it might draw the guy’s attention. I just wanted to get the hell out of there and run. The girls stood up too and tried to help get the guy out. He shoved one of the girls down onto the floor. At this point I knew that it was time to call the cops. I didn’t have the confidence to though. I mean I know the number, and I know how to basically say the name of the bar and that there’s a fight which may have been enough, but I probably wouldn’t have been able to answer the cops questions. Plus, with all the Japanese people in the bar, wouldn’t it make sense for one of them to call instead of me?

They got the guy outside on the sidewalk. Just me, Shinya, the table of four, and the girl who got pushed were left in the bar. I started saying to everyone that somebody should call the cops. Everyone was like, “Ya, we should call the cops…” and no one did. Ugh. Like me, I suppose, they know that calling the cops means spending the rest of the night in the police station explaining the situation. I had just gone through this a few months before. Not being able to go home until like 9 in the morning when you’ve been out all night is extremely exhausting.

We all watched what going on out on the sidewalk. The guy was screaming and the other three people were saying he needs to leave and were trying to hold him back from coming back into the bar. Then I heard the familiar and disturbing sound of a fist hitting flesh. It’s nothing like the movies. The guy punched the bartender square in the mouth. This bartender is a small, quiet kind of guy. He didn’t do anything. I think he was in shock. The girls started crying. The friend was begging him to leave. The guy started fighting to get back into the bar. The bartender spoke up again and proceeded to get punched in the face again. This time his lip started bleeding. I was seriously scared that he was gona come back in and hit me or Shinya. I felt so sad for the bartender; he wasn’t a fighter at all. The guy came back in to try to harass the girl he pushed down before, and I saw an opening. I’m not saying it was the right thing to do, but I grabbed Shinya by the wrist, pulled him out of the seat, and ran out of the bar with him. I heard the bartender apologizing to us as we ran out which made me sad…like it was his fault?! I was happy Shinya and I hadn’t ordered anything yet, or we would’ve had to wait for the ordeal to finish to pay.

I was really shaky and frightened from the experience, and needless to say, it killed the rest of our night. I really hope someone ended up calling the cops. No doubt the bartender’s face was black and blue the next day. I really hope things turned out ok. Hopefully there isn’t a next time, but reflecting back on this, I feel bad for not having the guts to call the cops, and if this happens again, I’m gona do my best to be a hero.

Meet the Parents

I don’t know about other countries, but in America, meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents isn’t that big of a deal. You might casually say to your parents that you’re dating someone soon after it becomes official. You might bring them to your house and tell your parents at that time that you are dating this person. Spending time with and around your significant other’s parents is normal and isn’t a formal affair. You often spend time hanging out with your bf/gf in each other’s house in front of the parents. Only sometimes, depending on the people, it can be kind of a big deal to meet a bf/gf’s parents because one of the people involved turns it into like a formal event like coming over to the house for dinner for the first time or something.

The process of meeting parents in Japan, however, is very different and more severe. I’m not saying this is how it is for ALL Japanese people, but the general rule of thumb is that you don’t usually introduce you significant other until you want to get married. Some Japanese people won’t even tell their parents they’re dating someone even if they’ve been together for a couple years! Sometimes the first time meeting will actually be when the boy asks the girl’s parent’s permission to marry her. Imagine how scary that must be!

So, I didn’t get offended when my boyfriend made no suggestion of introducing me to his mother when we first started dating. However, I am American, and I wanted to make some sort of relationship with his mother because it’s how I was raised. I was pleased when he told his mother about me just a couple months after we started dating. He told her I was American and showed her a picture of me. I was nervous that she would not be accepting of him dating an American, but she was totally fine. In fact she was impressed that I was living here on my own and could speak and text in Japanese. She was also worried about whether I had health insurance haha!

I made sure to send gifts and omiyage (souvenirs) on all the right occasions, flowers for Valentine’s Day, presents for Christmas, souvenirs from when I traveled in Japan and abroad, a New Year’s card and so on. Sometimes I would have my boyfriend give her gifts for no reason like when I baked too many cookies, for example. I think she really appreciated it. She said that I was the first person to ever give her flowers!! Of course, like any normal Japanese person, she returned the favor and gave me gifts too for Christmas and whatnot. I really think this was important to forming a good impression before even meeting!

Although it’s not very traditional, because I’m American, I told my boyfriend many times that I wanted to meet his mother at some point like after we’ve been dating for a year, to which he agreed. He had never introduced a girl to his mother before, so he was very nervous and embarrassed, but he wanted to introduce me to her. For a while I thought he meant he was embarrassed because of me because I’m American and fat or something, or maybe he was just embarrassed by the idea of introducing a girl to his mom in general. Later I found out that that wasn’t the case…he said he was embarrassed to introduce his mom to me!!! I have no idea why lol. Maybe he was afraid she’d say something funny about him to me.

So a couple months ago, I got to meet her for the first time. I was very nervous because it’s a big deal in Japan. Also, I was nervous about speaking Japanese with her because I don’t usually speak formal Japanese, only casual. I didn’t want her to think I am rude. Also, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to understand everything she said in general! Luckily my bf told her in advance that speaking formally is difficult for me to which she replied, “She doesn’t need to worry about such a thing! I don’t care. It’s just great that she can speak Japanese in general!” Once I found out I could just speak normally, I felt pretty relieved, although I did use polite Japanese as much as possible.

I was also nervous about other things like what to wear and what to talk about. I consulted with many Japanese people on the matter. I made sure to take out my tongue piecing and many of my ear piercings, cover my tattoo, and wear nice, non-revealing clothes. One of my adult students told me she liked how I wore my hair in braids and suggested I wear my hair like that, so I did. Some people gave tips on what I could talk about like cooking or my bf as a child. Some suggested I bring a gift, but I didn’t do this for two reasons. The first reason is because we are always giving each other gifts already, and the second is that the first time we met, his mother wanted me to take her to Costco, and it would just be more stuff to carry around. Japanese people love and are intrigued by Coscto. However, memberships here are quite expensive. Since I have a card, when my bf’s mother found out, she got really excited and wanted me to take her. So our first time meeting involved getting lunch followed by going to Costco.

I made sure to get to the station early on the day we were supposed to meet. My bf is always running late, so I kind of did my own spin on the gift idea, and bought my bf and his mother’s train tickets for them in advance just in case. It turns out that they were running late, and we just barely made it on to the train. We definitely wouldn’t have made it if I didn’t buy the tickets in advance. Good job me!!! Haha! It kind of made for an easy introduction because instead of awkwardly saying all the formal intro stuff, when I saw them rushing up to the station, I said in Japanese, “Nice to meet you! I’m Stephanie! The train is coming now, so I bought your tickets. Let’s go!” After we sat down and got situated, they thanked me for the tickets, and I told his mother I was really excited to meet her. While we rode the train, conversation was really simple and not awkward at all. My nervousness soon disappeared when I realize how laid back and kind she was.

When we arrived at our stop, we first got lunch at little restaurant. My bf had picked it out in advance. I asked my bf like 10 times ahead of time and consulted with other Japanese people about what to do when it came time to pay. Everyone told me that my bf should pay. My bf said the same but also said it wouldn’t hurt to take out my wallet and offer to be polite. So that’s what I did even though he ended up paying for it all. We were the only people there the whole time, so we could relax and chat. We shared several dishes together. Honestly, I can’t specifically remember what we talked about, but I can say something we didn’t talk about which made me incredibly happy. Before I tell you, let me give you a little background info. My bf and his mother have never gone overseas, ridden and airplane, had any close relationships with non-Japanese people, etc. Despite this fact, I was surprised and extremely appreciative when my bf’s mother made no mention of my appearance, my Japanese ability, my ability to use chopsticks, or any other typical comment I get when meeting new Japanese people. Actually, we didn’t end up talking about America much, if at all! She treated me no differently than a Japanese girl. This to me was one of the best things about her.

Another cute thing she did which made me happy was share her sun umbrella with me! It was sweltering hot that day. Japanese women often use sun umbrellas to stay cool. Of course I told her there was no need to share with me and that I was fine, but she insisted on sharing her umbrella with me, so we walked close together the whole time. It made me feel comfortable.

When we got to Costco, we literally looked at everything in the store! I believe we spent two hours in there! I was fun to see their reactions to things. Mainly we talked about the things in the store while we were there. There was a t-shirt I really liked for my bf, and I wanted to buy it for him since I thought he’d look good in it, and he always is paying for me when we go out. When I said that in front of his mother, she said, “my ears hurt (耳が痛い),” which I guess is like saying my words were so sweet it hurt her ears…at least that’s the impression I got! Correct me if I’m wrong!

Anyway we had a good time. After we made it back to our station, we said our thank yous and goodbyes. Of course I immediately texted my bf to ask him what his mother said about me after we separated. He said that she said I am a good kid. So I guess it went well! I feel so happy! We plan to get dinner together sometime in the near future. The best advice I can give is just to be polite and respectful and be yourself!